The Curse of Fleeting Contentment

Why Your Marriage Needs Contentment More Than a New Home

We did it! We finally pulled the trigger! For years, I’d been grumbling about living in the city, tired of listening to the neighbors’ dogs trying to audition for the Canine Choir of Chaos, and the never-ending traffic noise. Janice and I both dreamed of heading further south, closer to family, away from the concrete jungle of Amarillo. (Though, to be fair, when we first moved here, my brother joked, “Hey, I thought you were moving to Texas!” It takes 11 hours to get to his house in Houston from here. It really does feels like a state unto itself.)

Our dream property was exactly where we wanted it: in a small town southwest of San Antonio and southeast of Kerrville. It was two-point-two acres of peace. The house was smaller and needed a complete remodel, but we were ready to scale down. The real prize for me? A massive shop/garage—elbow room for my woodworking projects. Plus, the back neighbor was a graveyard. Doesn’t get much quieter than that. Beautiful live oaks, room for our dog to run, and neighbors two acres away.

We found the place, made an aggressive offer (it was listed for $80k more just months before), and they accepted. Our dream was about to be realized!

Then it hit. Unexpectedly.

The Post-Purchase Panic: What in the World Are We Doing?

This is the moment, folks, when your brain takes over from your heart and starts firing off the warning flares. We immediately started tallying everything we were about to lose versus what we were gaining.

• The Cost: The avalanche of expenses for remodeling, moving, and prepping the old place to sell was terrifying.
• The Comfort: We were leaving 32 years of history and comfort. We knew every shortcut, every doctor, and where to find the cheap hardware (and the closest Buc-ee’s). Moving meant a 30-minute drive just to grab milk.
• The Risk: Trusted people warned me: “Wib, not wise at your age. The economy is shaky, and property prices in that area are completely over-inflated.”

So, here I was, finally getting exactly what I thought I wanted, and I was consumed by a different kind of turmoil. The anxiety over the risk and the loss of comfort boiled down to one, very old problem: Contentment.

The Contentment Test: Is Your Inner Man a Goldfish?

God has been working on my lack of contentment for years. This weakness is the reason I’ve changed jobs and churches. It’s that constant little itch that makes you think, “The grass has to be greener over there.” I could be sitting in my beautiful backyard—a space my wife and I developed over years—and I’d still struggle to just rest in it. Instead, I’d think about how the grass might be greener, the garden might produce more, or the mosquitos might be fewer… someplace else.

It’s the spiritual equivalent of a goldfish in a small bowl who constantly believes if they could just get to that other, slightly larger bowl, they’d finally be happy.

The Apostle Paul nailed this problem:

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV): “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances… I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation… I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

If you can be content in the worst circumstance, you can certainly be content in the best.

The Kicker: Where Contentment Really Counts

Here’s the kicker, the point where this financial and geographic struggle slams right into your marriage: Contentment is needed in your relationship more than anywhere else.

I remember about 15 years into my marriage, I caught myself nitpicking everything I didn’t like about Janice. The way she loaded the dishwasher, the way she handled a certain social situation… it all added up. I noticed how much it was affecting my attitude toward her.

Fortunately, I noticed it and gave myself a good talking to. “Get over it, Wib! Start looking at what is great about this lovely lady.” And I did. It wasn’t hard to find a hundred things I liked about her for every one thing that was sometimes irritating. (I wonder if she had to do the same thing regarding me? Ha! Probably. And it was no doubt more of a challenge.)

We’ve created a huge problem in modern marriage because our expectations are astronomically high.

The Dangerous Cycle of Discontent

You see it everywhere. We want our spouse to be:

• Best friend,
• Passionate lover,
• Financially perfect co-pilot,
• Emotional therapist,
• Flawless parent,
• And still manage to stay 100% attractive.

That’s a job description that guarantees failure. When we approach our spouse with a spirit of discontent, every single one of their human flaws becomes a reason to distance ourselves.

But this pressure isn’t just internal. Often, one partner starts trying to actively manage or change the other. It might look like endless correction, constant critiques, or always pointing out the better way to do something. This drive comes from a place of fear—the fear that if things aren’t perfect, the relationship won’t survive or won’t be as happy as it ‘should’ be.

But what does this behavior communicate to the person on the receiving end? It screams: “You are not enough. I cannot be content with you as you are.” When that message is delivered repeatedly, it creates a crippling sense of inadequacy in the spouse, fueling their desire to pull away or give up entirely on trying to please you.

We stop seeing the lovely person we married and start obsessing over the fictional partner we think we deserve. This is where the trust dies. The moment your mind starts comparison shopping, you are creating a foundation for tremendous marital discord that could easily end up in divorce court.

The Bible gives us the marching orders to stand firm:

1 Corinthians 7:24 (NIV): “Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.”

This means remaining content with your foundational relationship state. It means looking at the person beside you and deciding that they are enough. It means challenging that toxic belief that you are entitled to be as selfish as you want while they “should” still put up with you. That’s not a partnership; that’s emotional consumption. Marriage is about contribution, not consumption.

Your discontent is destructive. If you’re constantly looking for the greener grass of a different house, a different job, or a different partner, you’ll never find the peace that comes from nurturing the beautiful thing you already have.

It might be time to challenge this mindset in your marriage. If you would like some help with this, I have a seven-week program developed by renown marriage researcher John Gottman that focuses on changing this exact negative mindset and building the foundation of appreciation and stability.

Email me at wib@newhoperesources.com and I’ll shoot you that PDF. It might just be the prompt that shifts your negative focus and helps you realize that the greatest treasure you have needs to be held onto.